You’re excited, waking up and checking Facebook.
Maybe he sent you something.
His name pops up, your heart’s in your mouth,
beating so hard it’s popping out
“Hey, I can’t make it today.”
It’s that feeling
That disappointing, sinking feeling
Your heart falling so deep into the crevice of your
gut, it clogs up everything and you can’t breathe
Like someone sank down to chest level and kicked
you right in the lungs
Like putting a needle to a balloon
You’re mad, frustrated
Emoticons can’t channel what’s inside
But there’s nothing to be done
“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault anyway.”
But inside, you can’t stop thinking it is
And you hesitate to take that shower
Knowing that you don’t give a shit about the others
Knowing that you haven’t washed your hair for two
days
Yet not caring.
Because he didn’t care enough to see clean hair.
In the end, you close the shower door and turn the
water on
No one notices that the heat is off
The cold water shower leaves you breathless
You want it to freeze, to hurt
So that it can overpower the hurt inside
It’s not the fact that he bailed out that hurts
It’s the expectations, the daydreams that you held
so privately close
That stabs and burns and hurts, so, so bad.
But even as you’re gasping for oxygen and turning
blue,
Your mind just keeps going back to… him
And you leave the shower,
Eyes red and puffy,
Salty tears mixed with filtered water going down
the drain
You spend the day with the best girlfriends,
It’s fun but half your mind’s away,
Half your heart’s wishing he’ll call
“Hey I can come!”
But you know he won’t
And he doesn’t
You go home alone, tired.
Watching the Olympics,
Knowing he is too, on the other side of the countryv
