You can still hurt me

I didn't even bother looking

Because

You would tell me right?

Bullshit

I guess I overestimated our "friendship"

I don't even think we can be counted as friends anymore

I miss:

Curt 

Rude

Succinct

Because pointless conversation is better than

Pending messages

Sent messages

Ignored messages

Replacements

Double blows and it's all my fault

Because

It really is a problem that lies with me

Hurts

To know you can speak

To know "fading without" 

Me?

I'm not an angel

Blurred lines

Blurred faces because of terrible placement

This is how it started

I once walked two moons

Now I'm

Sad

:/

Picked apart

A movement
Protesting men in tuxedos
Circling with their banners and unhappiness
Clouding around my aorta
Insoluble,

Unlike sugar on your tongue
Sugar cubes in sweaty palms
Sugary desserts
Meringue pie and shortcake made by auburn children,
Candied
Dewdrops on tips
She's smiling, twirling, her fingers beckoning
Inside, come on
Resolve dissapating
Solving
A rubik cube with the colours all lined up
Dissolving

I am grabbing
Money, clothes, particles
Grab by
Shame spreading
Captured in a still
I'm not blushing
I'm just naturally red

Syllables stringed together with mortar
Concrete threading
Through
Loops and curves and solidifying in the back of my throat
Pssh

Segue segue segue
What's your favourite art piece?
Oh, I don't even art.
Haha.

I'm desperate for you to hear me out, let me swim in self pity
Watch me drown
Sinking
Solute under solvent

Hints.
Hint hint hint hint
if i don't make a move,
i won't get hurt
no
i'll hurt myself
i am hurting

A percent dilution
Green lights dull and faded
but
But I know you're there
That hurts the most, no?

I really, really don't like you guys
Like, fuck you for not getting my jokes. Have fun being obnoxious and  yeah, so you are better than me. Woop woop, I'm not even jealous.
What kind of shitty personalities do you all have, can't you even take a joke?

I guess I'm just not compatible with you all smart, worshipable people.
You know what, fuck it I'm done trying.
I only fucking joined because every other person was nice but you guys are fucking ridiculous

God damn why would you make fun of my friends?
Make fun of me that's shitty as hell but it's okay, but fucking lay off them because I'm responsible for them and I don't want you shitty people laughing at them.

SOFTBALL BANQUET IN T- 1h

GET READY FOR AWKWARD JOJO AND TERRIBLE LIES

Midnight on a summer's day

At midnight I get an email
I've seen midnight announce itself in pixels and electricity for the past weeks
I've seen clocks go from 21 to 45 and 20 mins showers miraculously fixed in 10

I've not seen how the sun shines through my room at 8, or how the cupcakes line the path
I've not seen a lot because I was too tired to see
To tired to open my eyes and laugh

I posed in a sun hat and held a friend's guitar in my hands
I played nonsensical chords and gossiped about a "shit ugly" girl, sitting on the tennis courts feeling my skin cells wilt
And die
And  brown
And die