On Victoria's Secret Fashion Show

So as the days approach Christmas, yet another Victoria's Secret Fashion Show rolls around. I first discovered this glorious display of gorgeous women in beautiful, glittery outfits (read: lingerie) when I was maybe 9 or 10 flipping through television shows at 2am and there was a rebroadcast of the probably 2008 show. I watched in awe as the models strutted down the runway wearing leaves, ribbons, and of course, wings.

So maybe I started getting this ridiculous notion, this ridiculous aspiration that someday, I would like to be up there too. Up there in the shining lights, sashaying down in my satin and lace. When people asked me what I wished to be, maybe I embarrassingly answered, "Victoria's Secret Angel!" But puberty was not kind to me, and I turned out to be about 9 inches too short to even contemplate anything close to modeling, not to mention my lack of curves or pleasant features. But back before harsh reality, I thought that maybe there was a chance. Unfortunately, this was also back before I moved to America and realized that skin color makes a difference in the way people treat you and back before I realized the size of my eyes differ inferiorly to my peers.

In 2012 or 2013, Victoria's Secret took a step towards me, by walking their first Asian model. Yes, out of the 50-ish women who walk the show each year, it took 8 years for one of those 50 to be Asian. I was so proud, happy even, to have Liu Wen represent the dreams of mini me as she walked down that catwalk. But there's a part of me that wonders, did they cast Liu Wen because she's a world class supermodel and the highest paid Asian model, or because she's Asian? Because out of all the Instagram pictures posted by VS, only one of them featured the Asian models. Featured all (except one) actually, with the fucking caption "你好。” My RACE, my CULTURE, my fucking ethnicity, heritage, IDENTITY, is not an excuse for you to claim diversity. You can't just throw an Asian model onto your catwalk so you can say you're not fucking racist, so you can attract the Asian shoppers. Is it possible to look past the fact that I'm Asian? Liu Wen, Ming Xi, should not be labeled and pigeonholed as 'Asian'. They are more than that. I'm more than that. I don't see any pictures for Adriana Lima captioned "Pao de Queso," because she's more than just Brazilian.

This year, out of the 51 models who walked 4 of them were Asian. Yet, in DailyMail's recent snapchat news about Gigi Hadid's wardrobe malfunction which also featured pictures of at least 15 models, not one of them were Asian. They even had pictures of the performance acts. I saw that, I got a little pissy. So I tried to see if there was a way I could send an aggressive email to them indicating my displeasure, and ended up on the DailyMail celebrity Twitter page. I saw that they had posted several stories covering the fashion show, featuring at least 25 models. They even had a story regarding Shanina Shaik's snapchat story of her using a filter. Sorry, who's that?

Yet not ONE of those stories were on the Asian models. Not one picture featured them. NOT ONE. Shanina has like 12k likes on instagram, about 1/5 of Liu Wen's regular likes. Liu Wen is a fucking supermodel, and she can't even get a news story on her, while Shanina gets on for using the cat filter. Even in DailyMail's scoop about VS culturally appropriating Asian cultures, they did not include a single picture of the Asian models. All Kendall, Gigi, Bella. Literally what the fuck.

I angrily responded to their tweets, and they promptly deleted my replies with radio silence.

Alright beyond this, I also have some upset feelings about the direction the VS show is going. It seems to be less of a showcase of modeling ability and nice lingerie, but more tabloid fodder. I remember when getting wings was a privilege, a sign of achievement and reward for the established Angels. In fact, they even did a segment one year when Chanel got her first pair of wings, which were a pretty simple pair of white wings iirc. It used to be a selection process to pick the models. They had to have a good attitude, and exemplify the meaning of being an model, of representing VS. But now, it's just fucking Kendall Jenner and the Hadid sisters, who have amazing bodies, but are they of the same calibre as Adriana Lima, or Candice? And, on their very first show, they get wings. Huge, feathery, glittery, extravagant affairs. It's not fair for those who worked to get their wings. It's not fair that the Asian models didn't get wings, or barely got them. VS died with Gisele Bundchen and Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum.

I'm just disappointed that my dream job, the angels I aspired to be, are complete jokes.

Electronic Lilies

You light up
like the statue of liberty
the Top of the world
Scaling through
the ridges the no bars the always entries
left ventricle right ventricle
to the Top of my
heart

When I'm with you
my eyes are always puffy
squinted and narrowed
formed into curves of girlish crushes

This cloud of sadness that settles over
dining at dusk
a promise a plan
a date?

She said a friendship can't be sustained if
feelings
are involved

Cherries and hot tea

Like a chocolate fountain 

An unhygienic free for all at a cheap buffet

Smoke caught in the back of our throats

A gulp of cold air to force it through our lungs

Wisps whispering at 2 am

Tiny cold breaths collapsing on our faces

The world in playback 

In a playbook I could control

But not reverse

Moonlit boy

Why do you burn me like paper?

Feed me in like ghost money

Wisps whispering at 3 am

Expectant eyes gaze on

Laughter but not with me

A month in furlong

Worlds apart but we always were

You never tried to build a bridge

I’ve tried to scale my wall

But you poured molten chocolate down the sides

Coated me in sweet sadness

Left me clinging to diabetic memories

A cavity in my canine 

Reasons why I will not date you

To boys that bleed with their skin turned inside-out,

1. I don't like boys who remind me of my twelve year old brother

2. You are shorter than me, yet you are five inches taller

3. You slice and eat unwashed apples with the fruit stickers still on

4. Where is your motivation?

5. We are too much alike in all the wrong ways