Rant

God wow you freaking asshole thanks for telling me that after I spent TWO GOSH DAMN HOURS MAKING FREAKING FAIRY WINGS

FROM SCRATCH

I atcually tried to make a freaking LEGIT costume instead of rehashing my old one so I didn't look weird you freaking asshole

gosh gosh gosh i am so mad right now

I don't even give a shit about candy

YOU PINKY PROMISED

pinky promised.

you don't break freaking PINKY PROMISES wtf

Urgh

Grades are definitely not picking up. 

Although for social studies my teacher gave me mas puntas  for my essay and even said it was, "Awesome!". I'm talking a super strict, high expectation kind of psychotic teacher here who said my essay was "awesome!". Dude, there are super smart people (like trig math ppl) who got lower than me AND I rushed my essay the night before while they did theirs a week in advance. C'mon, that's pretty sweet.

So highlight of the day.

Also I'm making friends and gaining weight.

Right now swamped with this short story film project that we only had a week or so to do, but my group managed to find a loophole so that's now two weeks. *hell yeah* I have like 5% in her class to waste away so as long as I get a high C or mid B I should get an A.

My espanol teacher seems to be liking me a bit more these days and like her tests are so subjective I swear she picks favouritas, Okay, that word is probably wrong.

Apparently a hurricane is coming in a day. Not worried at all haha.

My social life is kind of picking up I guess.

Still table hopping.

But more friends now.

Late night requests

So um,

I have no idea what I'm doing or what I just accepted to.
I am confused and I think this is a very very bad decision, especially since I cannot bear tell anyone about.
Not cannot bear, I cannot stand the judgement or consequences or questions that will come along.
But...

This is being a teenager yeah?
Living life and making stupid mistakes that I will look back a year, hell weeks probably, from now and facepalm

Filler #2

I have no school tomorrow
I just ate chips
I have a sore throat
I am too lazy go to the fridge to get water

School actually seems to be sort of picking up
Though not entirely in a good way but who gives.
It makes for interesting replays before I sleep

The first marking period ends in two weeks and I AM FREAKING OUT
MY GRADES
DEAR LORD
MY GRADES

This is so incoherent I'm listening to presidential debates

I've been on ebay a lot more these days getting sucked back into the scams and chinese seller rings trying to compete for a hat -_-
It's like 60 dollars wtf who would buy a hat for 60 dollars? Me, that is. Stupid me.
Also despite my grades I've taken up crocheting and ahh Joanna you are so dumb

Filler

So new seasons have premiered and the weekends are so amazing. I get home, watch all the episodes I missed during the week for like straight up 3 hours or so.
Stopped exercising cause I can't manage my time properly to fit in calorie burn hour

Oooh I made friends!
I just stopped attempting after the bitches in homeroom and bam they came naturally flocking to me.
Like a few days ago I was walking past these girls and they were all "Joanna hi!" and I didn't know their names back *yay angels hi 5 people know my name*
Dat feeling. A mi me gusta.

Also *eh hem* I'm friends with a guy! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
^ is pretty big cause we're like non- awkward friends. As in if I see him walking down the hallways I would probably feel comfortable saying hi and we actually talk on a consistent basis (read: almost every single freaking day!!!!)
Actually come to think of it I have other guy pals that I can fall back on.

Umm what else oh yeah during lunch I do lots of table hopping since I can't be bothered to find my usual clique I just arbitrarily pick some people that know how weird I am and sit with them. My daily experiences are quite fun but I already wrote them down in my diary so no point restating here also they are lame.

Don't really wanna elaborate on schoolwork because it is not going as well as I want it to
dsfh'klasjflsj

Alice and Tink and wasting time

Off with their heads!
She is screaming
She is hurting
Wanting
Her life is a chrysalis, weaving lines of scars on her thighs
Covered with a thin film of dried glue

Blonde hair and gigantic eyes
Growing shrinking
But forever loved.
I'll teach you how to fly!
You are the champion!
They are sword fighting and she is laughing
Her smile is a lemon curl
So zesty and bright and fresh against the orange leaves and acidic it hurts
The wounds in my heart
They are hand sanitizer on bloody splinters

Ayudame!
Yo tengo una pregunta
I am snatching my words
From the air but I am too slow and too dumb
And you put the seashell to your ear
But it doesn't play the ocean's song
It plays my hurt, my desperation, my nail- bitten smiles
It leaves a circle of rust around your ear
Rust red on ivory skin
Ruining your perfection
White Queen
Rule number four: Gotta be looking pure

My fingers gripping my knight, not wanting to let go
Not wanting to give up
I do not see what you've plotted
Checkmate.
You snort derisively
I am tired. I am crashing. Sugar and gum and mints and woozy head
I'm the laziest, stupidest person I don't even know how I managed it
I don't know why
Why you're so nice
To someone like me

You are Kate Nash's saddest song, you are organic sweetener added to Coca Cola
Pandas and camels and smooth piano keys and silk scarves lined with gold threading and hope and hope and hope
You are derivatives and elo and the left brain with its clockwork seasons
I am the girl holding balloons filled with hydrogen instead of helium
The girl whose world consists of late nights strangled by sadness and Skype conversations about flooding hesitation
I do not know about rangelands or area or whatever genius you have in your brain

I wonder, if she is worth more than a god damn hat.

Mumble mumble sad sad sad sad

I've been super vague lately and honestly all I can say is "sad".
That's really the word that describes my life right now.
Or should I say, lazy and sad. Two words.

Aye, sad day

So...
I didn't make Envirothon
And it saddens me even though I knew it as soon as I made my presentation.

It seems.
There is a defining moment, when everything falls apart like a ball of yarn being unraveled.
It's like, you can finally see me for who I am and everything that meant I don't know what to you
Can't compare to what a dumbass, bitch I am.
So my personality can be repulsive and I use people but but
I actually care.
When I interact with people, it's all genuinely me.
If I tell you I like you, then I actually do.

And I don't know how to repair something that never existed
I just want to
To
To make things okay again