Lack of coherence or planning and the fantastic bridges I've been building

Realised just now the reason I'm so unrealistic and "ridiculous" is because I take after my parents whom I love so very much but they really, really are unreliable
"Bu kao pu"

Been building not just pretty mahogany bridges on clouds but also on some stupid bridge maker and all of my creations are like 200k +++ and for the life of my smart- ass brain I just can't get anything better. 200k is like a failing grade stamped on my glorious life

Honestly my life isn't shit but I create so much unnecessary stupidity it just slowly rots away under my beautiful hands

I feel like I'm not good enough because even when someone says I am, my terrible, terrible brain thinks "Yeah, good enough only for you." And gosh I try to be nice but my ugly, mean personality just rips through all the masks and pretty silk veils with unclipped, gnarled fingernails

I promised myself to go to sleep 15 mins ago.

My grades are not good and I'm just a lazy sucker.
Bahh I have like seven bottles of water that are half- opened and half molding
LIKE MY LIFE

I don't even know what that means.
I guess I'm just lonely and I miss my sister.