What just happened?

So there I was, quite hungry but wasn't in the mood for a full meal, sifting through the fridge and bam, I found grapes.

Okay, just one. Just one you greedy little girl What are you saying DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE I ONLY HAVE 70 YEARS TO GO TWO GRAPES WON'T MAKE A DIFF you dumbass- NOM NOM

And just like that I blanked out for two seconds and when I regained control half the bag of grapes was in my stomach.
Do you know what this means?? This means I singlehandly chugged down like HALF my ten day supply of fruits in 2 mins.
So basically all I have left are 3 kiwis or so, and about 20 grapes.
I was actually planning on a veggie fruit mix for school so I don't have to eat the 800 calories a meal, microwaved school lunch of chemicals but now it looks like it's going to have to be all vegetables.
Have you ever eaten raw vegetables without any dressing? It's like soft less fibre-y grass man. And yes I've eaten grass before and almost cut my tongue but that was when I was little and very very genius.

Anyway how in the world do skinny girls get so thin???
So many girls I know are not only wayy taller than me they're at least 10 pounds lighter than me like wtf.
And you know what I thought that my weight was normal but apparently I'm supposed to be 47 kg which is 103 pounds or so and that's supposed to be my ideal weight for my height and age.
47 kg is INSANE apparently I have to grow 4 cm just to be at the weight I am now wtf

What do these girls do take laxatives and eat only spinach and workout full time gym membership?
Honestly it is SO HARD to lose weight and maintaining it is a pain in the ass.
How can you resist grapes and tangerines and and mcflurries and everything? How do you even jog  nonstop 5 miles?
Or run 5 miles in an hour? Is it just me without any endurance whatsoever because when I try to run at 4m/h I kind of die inside and feel my heart collapse when I go on for more than a min.

Weight issues aside
I'm kind of panicking because it's about 4 days to the FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL and I don't even have the 2nd required summer reading book.
I ordered it from amazon 3 days ago and the person was so nice she said she would rush and it would reach me on the 25th so that's a day to read my book.
Why Joanna why are you so complacent now you pay for it.
Also I'm super scared about my uniform and such. I cannot find cotton pants that are comfortable and non gaudy that are not skinny, so I still have to worry about panty lines.
What if my pants are too skinny and I get called out on the first day of school?
The uniforms are ugly and not even 1% cotton. The logo is diagonally above my boobs so it looks super weird when I wear any bra except sport bras. I only one one sport bra, I don't do sports. Not only that, I have to wear tanks tops underneath since it's practically see through and unless I go insane on Zumba my fat rolls will probably be more popular than me. My tank tops are precious I wear these babies to sleep and here I am wasting sleepwear for an undershirt.

Wow I sound so vapid going on and on about grapes and clothes. Even kind of sound like I'm going  through pms.

Okay last thing I just looked at my neighbour's house with binoculars (non creepy way i swear) and I could see what they were doing! Freaks me out what if they're watching me?